In regards to your money for college situation, have you considered filing yourself as an independent? You may be able to receive more grants or loans if you can prove that you're not receiving financial support from your parents or barely any support. If that doesn't work or isn't possible, just keep your head up, keep working and searching for loans and scholarships and grants and wherever else you can get money that won't require you to rob a bank :]
haha yaaa. when i talked to my financial aid officer about it, she said its like not such a thing and its a urban myth. i can claim myself as independent, but that wouldnt do anything. idk mayb she was jus fucking with me cause for some reason i think she hates me…lol but thankss sooo much :)!
when has the hope run out?
i swear, staying up late does weird shit to you. like it makes you think about shit, either how good or bad your life is going. in my case, its not going so well..
i hate when things are soo messed up and it gets to the point where you have literally done everything you can to help your self, but your still stuck in a shitty situation. College sucks. but it sucks even so much more because i love it soo much. it sucks in the way that i have no way to pay for it, and every avenue that can be used, has, and still nothing has changed. . i owe exactly $3,808.98 to be able to return second semester, and i have worked my ass off to pay what i can. i’ve been given scholarships, grants, and all types of loans but it still wasnt enough, on top of my job at olive garden ive been working aswell. I found this other awesome loan program with a group called “SallieMae” (ironic right?) where it is a fixed intrest rate and i can make payments basically whenever i want to, and it eventually lowers the actual debt over time. which is EXACTLY what i wanted. its hard enough finding a student loan with fixed intrest rates, but its even better because i can start repaying the loan whenever i have some kind of money. as they say, things are too good to be true. i wasnt granted the loan because “i dont have a credit established”, ya im sorry i dont pay a car note, rent, have credit cards, a wife, child support, or any other things that would contribute to my credit score; but they said i still had hope, i just needed to find a cosigner. well, first i turned to my dad and unknown to me, he had jus filed for bankruptcy after he was laid off the force, and that basically made him ineligible. BUT there was still hope. i then turned to the most wealthy person in my immediate family, my aunt. she works and lives downtown, and makes a shitton of money working for some big insurance company and i thought she was the perfect candidate. i was wrong. she said she didnt want to do it because she claimed that she didnt have the credit and would be denied. . but wouldnt even try. BUT there was still hope. i then tried my mom, knowing that she isnt the wealthiest person, but thought she would do anything to help her collegiate son. she also declined. when i asked her why, she said because she didnt want to.
so what does that mean for me…in my mind my mom was literally the only person who i kinda thought it was her responsibility and to actually care, and she didnt want to do it because just “didnt want to”. EVERYTIME i tried to talk to her about it, it turns into a argument, and today it was bad.
it started off with the basic, “hey ma, what are we guna do about school” and i could tell that she just was about to get pissed right after i said something to her, and i was kinda the same way. little did she know, that basically the whole day ive been searching for a way to pay for school by my self. i cant even remember how many banks i called and how many relatives i talked to today to try and find help and after keep getting turned down, i just needed a little but of reassurance from my mom that everything was guna be okay. but i didnt get that.
well eventually, the conversation got a little heated and turned into a argument, and i kind of ended it before it got too bad by just grabbing my cigs and storming out the house, because she wasnt trying to hear ANYTHING iwas trying to say. while i was leaving, i heard her yelling and telling me how much of dumbass i am.
needless to say, i was kinda worked up; but basically i just wanted to get away from everything and just calm down before i did anything i would regret. while i was walking in the shady streets of country club hills at about 11:00pm wearing nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt… i got stoped, by the fuking cops.
the “officer” came up to me and asked me where i was going and what i was doing, and i told him nothing. in the state i was in, he probably thought i was fuked up or something, and he stated giving me shitt. he asked me if i had a ID and i let him know i didnt bring anything with me and i started to walk away. . i was doing NOTHING wrong. when i started to walk away, he guy grabbed me and slapped cuffs around my wrist, and by this time there were three or four cop cars. they asked me my name and i told them, and eventually they let me go…after about a hour. he eventually told me that i matched the description of someone they were looking for. but at that point i didn’t even care.
After that ordeal, i walked back home; just to find out that my mom was even morrrre pissed than when i left. JUST my luck, i guess her and my stepdad were planning on going out tonight to celebrate his birthday coming up, and i kept them waiting because they wanted me to babysit my little brother and sister. my mom and him stormed out, and told me that im a asshole to ruin my stepdads birthday. .
i wish they knew why i came back almost 2 hours after i left. .
as of now, idk wht im going to do about school, or the relationship with mama. i still love her to death, but i hate when we fight. maybe i can rob a bank er something?
…any other suggestions?
If this is the first Tumblr blackout of 2011, then know that I love you all.
its about time
i’ve always been a little intimidated with making a “tumblr”. Actually not a little, but really intimidated by it, which is why im glad i finally have one.
I have alot to say
which i hear is somthing that tumblr is good for. you just say what you want to say and not be judged or thought of differently by what and how you say it. it’s not like i would ACTUALLLY care what you think about what ill post, its just more like i just want people to hear what im saying. although ive always had alot to say i never thought anyone wanted to hear it, which is one of the sources of my intimidation from “tumblr”. in time i think i’ll become more comfortable with things and start getting deep, which i know is going to happen. i mean, who dosent like going in deep? with a clean mind, ive always wanted to get reallly deep with alot of people, but just havnt. alot of people see me as a nice guy or a kidder or joker, but not much of a person that likes to get deep. when thinking about my personal definition of what deep is, i just basically think it is like watching a discussion about God by a quantum physicist, psychiatrist, priest, satanist, atheist, maya angelou, and kid rock. i mean who wouldn’t want too see that line-up discuss any pressing issue? all jokes aside ill be saying alot on here, and if you’ve taken the time to read this guy, your in for a treat.
stay black and proud.